Orange is the New Black: Breakfast Sandwich & Piper’s Cleanse

A review of “Breakfast Sandwich (without the tampon)” and “Piper’s Cleanse” from the Orange is the New Black cookbook.

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Breakfast Sandwich (without the tampon)

To answer your question, yes – the “(without the tampon)” text is part of the recipe title.

This is in reference to a scene at the end of the very first OITNB episode.  After Piper accidentally lets spill that the prison food is disgusting right in front of the head chef (Red), she finds herself faced with a used tampon inside her breakfast sandwich the next morning.

I thought the ingredients were a little bit vague for this one right from the start.  It includes “sandwich buns” and “2 short, plump pork sausages about the length of the buns.”

20180721_094821When I looked up what kind of bun is considered a “sandwich bun,” the answer was every type of bun.  So I picked up an oval-shaped one, but then couldn’t find any sausages that were large and plump enough to actually fill the bun!  I ended up settling for several small sausages instead of 2 “plump” ones.

To start, we pricked the sausages all over, put them in a skillet with oil and water, and then let them simmer, covered, until the water evaporated.  Then it’s browned in the pan on all sides.

While the sausages were cooking, I cut the bread in half, toasted it, and spread mayo on both halves.

Once they were done, the sausages were cut in half, placed on the bun, and smeared with red pepper jelly (something I had never heard of until now) before serving.

20180721_100735Taste: 8/10

All-in-all this is a pretty plain and uneventful sandwich, but I did actually like the pepper jelly with the sausage!

Difficulty: Easy

The only part here that requires some effort is the sausages, and even they aren’t difficult if you follow the instructions.

Cost: Average

You will need to buy “sandwich buns,” sausages, red pepper jelly, and possibly mayo if you don’t already have some.

Piper’s Cleanse

In the very next episode of OITNB, after the tampon incident, there are a couple of flashbacks involving Piper and Larry.  In the first, Piper convinces a reluctant Larry to go on the “Master Cleanse,” which is actually a very real liquid-only cleanse.

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In the second flashback, Larry is preparing their daily cleanse when he discovers that Piper’s been cheating on their diet with “Mr. Fox’s Honey-Barbecued Pork Rinds.”  Here’s a picture of him smelling her delicious breath:

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This recipe is extremely easy, and literally just involves mixing water, maple syrup, lemon juice, and ground cayenne pepper into a glass.

That’s it!

Taste: 9/10

I’m not so sure I’d want to drink this every day without any actual sustenance, but it was actually quite good!  It has a little bit of kick to it from the cayenne pepper, but is balanced out by the sweetness of the maple syrup.20180721_142523

Difficulty: Easy

Super, duper easy.  Just combine and mix.

Cost: Cheap

You probably already have all of the ingredients in your house: filtered water, organic maple syrup, fresh lemons, and ground cayenne pepper.

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